MY GRATITUDE PILGRIMAGE

The genesis of this entry is a very emotional experience that happened just a few weeks ago. I took a 2,000 mile round-trip journey on my 2007 Vulcan. This is something I had planned for many years. It did not disappoint. 

 I got locked up and eventually sent to State Prison in 2006.  The first 9 months were littered with court dates, legal proceedings, self-awareness, and survival.  I was in the County Jail from Dec. 2006 – August 2007.  During that time there were many people who stood by me, gave me (and my family) words of encouragement, and came to court to show their support of me in my “fallen” state.  They knew who I really was.  They knew I was not the broken man who stood in a red jumpsuit and shackles awaiting a lengthy incarceration.  Some even stood at the podium to attempt to sway the judge towards leniency.  The bottom line is that these people stood up to be counted as friends and allies, regardless of my current condition.  They truly showed unconditional love. 

As the fog of my addiction began to lift due to abstinence and true godly sorrow, I began to see the magnitude of the pain I had caused in people’s lives, especially those who loved me the most.  Shortly after my insertion into the State Prison system I determined that I would someday approach and thank (face to face) all those who chose to stand at my side and be numbered among my allies.  This does not mean that ANY or all of these people condoned or dismissed my behavior.  At times, they were the ones who showed the toughest love towards me.  I simply realized that all of these people had my best interest in mind.

Included in this list of “allies” were some Correctional Officers that saw something different in me.  They chose to treat me as a human being instead of a zoo animal, which was the default position of most of the guards.  I needed to thank some of them too for making my time a little more endurable.  Some even helped me at the risk of their jobs or disciplinary action.  These men and women have my deepest admiration and respect. One time I was asked in private by a Correctional Officer, “Hey, Bey…What the heck did you do to get in here? You just seem like you don’t belong?” My response was, “I am guilty of what every other inmate did to get in here. We are all guilty of being selfish.”

I had the opportunity to gather many of them in a church relief society room to express my thanks and gratitude. Others I had to find at home or in nursing facilities. Some had already passed away.  There really was no way to adequately express my gratitude, except to promise them that I would live a good, moral life and give back every chance I could.  I had several very profound and spiritual experiences from this journey that lasted 10 days.  Individual accounts will be shared in the future.

I am humbled by the willingness of people to forgive.  It motivates me to forgive others; regardless the harm I feel was inflicted upon me.  There is peace in giving and receiving forgiveness. For those who were not particularly spiritually minded I found that my accountability was accepted and lessened the sting and hurt I may have caused.  It’s easier to own your mistakes than to justify them.